Give Me Love
by Klarna
Summary: A relationship that's not really a relationship but still so much more than they've ever had. Collection of loosely connected oneshots set some time before Humbug (6x11). K/D.
1. Chapter 1

**GIVE ME LOVE**

 **Summary:** A relationship that's not really a relationship but still so much more than they've ever had. Collection of loosely connected oneshot set some time before Humbug (6x11).

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine.

 **Author's Note:** Don't get me wrong – I'm thrilled about the Deeks/Kensi storyline this season but part of me still misses their chemistry from the earlier seasons, before you could tell if the writers were actually going to let them get together or not. So. Here it is. Tags and inserts to different episodes up until Humbug. Titles taken from Ed Sheeran's _Give Me Love_ because it just fits so damn well. This first part is set somewhere in early season 2.

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 **#1 give me love like never before**

When Deeks walks into the precinct this morning, it feels almost like it's his first day. Since he usually comes in between covers at odd hours, he's used to the place being almost deserted. Now it's 10 a.m and it is buzzing with activity.

He nods in greeting to a few people in the elevator but no one tries to make any kind of conversation. Yep, doing long term covers doesn't do much for the "brotherhood"… The realization is not new but today he feels oddly okay about it. He steps off the elevator on his floor and takes in the still familiar sounds of the busy department.

"Ey, Deeks. Heard you're hooking up with the Feds now, huh?" A loud voice comes floating from the break room and Deeks reluctantly makes his way over.

"Garrett, nice to see you, too. Yeah, you know, one gets access to all those federal skeletons hiding in several different closets… Couldn't say no to that," he replies as casually as possible, ignoring the Garrett's thinly veiled contempt. Deeks knows he wasn't really the most popular kid around the precinct before he crossed paths with NCIS and now the word's probably out that it's more than just being the temp... Loyalty and the brotherhood within the force apparently only goes one way.

Thankfully, Garrett soon runs out of possible insults and Deeks manages to escape the break room with his good mood fairly intact. Maybe it's because he's better things to do now than dodging insults from fellow officers or making up yet another scumbag alias.

He likes his new team. And especially his new partner. Kensi Blye is nothing like any detective he's come across with the LAPD, male or female.

After her initial comment about him being the best LAPD could do (which wasn't even close to being the worst thing he's ever overheard) he's learned more about how she operates. And most importantly that his very reliable instincts tell him that despite everything he can trust her.

Deeks makes a quick stop by his rarely used desk, grabs the last of his reports to finish up and then makes a beeline for Bates' office. On any other day, he avoids the Captain if he can, but he feels unusually confident today. The air in the precinct is easier to breathe, time doesn't seem to stand still as it usually does. And for once, he's not annoyed or downright angry with his supervisor.

"Well well, look who's here. The prodigal son." Bates' words are not dripping with sarcasm like Garrett's. At least his boss respects him and his work. Of course he does, it makes him look good, Deeks thinks as he takes a seat across Bates.

"Yeah, had to pick up a few things. Things here okay around here?"

"Well, Feds are snooping up my detectives but other than that - just peachy," Bates grumbles and Deeks grins. He can only guess Bates' perplexity and annoyance at having Henrietta Lange snatching one of the few people in the LAPD with extensive experience of deeper covers.

Yet Deeks can't really feel guilty. He can feel he's doing something good. He feels useful (most of the time). The team has been unusually easy to work with even if they have their quirks and it's clear that they're lone wolves all of them.

"They partnering you up?"

"Yep… Well, sort of. Her last partner was killed in the line of duty. We're just making it work 'til they find a new one," he explains even if he prays that he won't be replaced anytime soon. He doesn't mind being the fifth wheel. It's not new to him either but not an option if he can help it. But he's technically just a liaison officer, still very much LAPD, and he can understand if the mysterious Henrietta Lange prefers complete partner pairs consisting only of people with the proper training.

He expects some kind of retort from his boss but only finds Bates rising his eyebrows.

"What?"

"You got a partner? A woman?"

"Uh yeah? Something wrong with that?" He knows Bates is old school but at least he's come as far as accepting his female detectives as just as competent.

Bates just eyes him for a moment. "No, nothing wrong. It's just that I seem to recall..- You know what, never mind. I get it."

The knowing look Bates gives him suddenly makes Deeks feel a little bit uncomfortable. Even if he's out on the field most of the time, he knows what words travel through this department. He knows it's common knowledge about certain boundaries he used to have a tendency to cross. Key word being used to. Past tense.

He knows he told Bates that IF ever was to partner up again, it would not be with a woman. Preferably he wouldn't have to partner up ever again. He'd been honest. Bates knew about Traynor. About earlier mishaps too. So yeah, maybe Deeks can see the slight irony in him partnering up with Kensi without a fuss. And maybe he's a teeny tiny bit…intrigued by her in a way that he shouldn't be. Not this soon... Not like this. At least he knows that this time, it's nothing he should take seriously.

Because he always seem to do this. Because he's Marty Deeks. Seemingly falls for inappropriate women. Acts on emotion a little bit too easily. He just needs to compartmentalize better. Last time he did this, he was in a dark place. And Jess paid the price. He's not hurting another woman who happens to come across him. Who gets him forced onto them. And with his history and view on romantic relationships, he's not really the one to make the best decisions regarding this kind of thing.

So Deeks just shrugs, pretends to not pick up Bates' hint. But he knows his boss can see right through him. But at least Bates is one of those guys who doesn't push and for once, Deeks is grateful for his boss' tendency of shrugging things off.

"Whatever you say, kid. Don't do anything unusually stupid out there, okay?"

Deeks nods and shakes the older man's hand before stepping out of the office. But as he walks through the precinct, he can't seem to shake the feeling of discomfort at Bates' implication. Yes, he has made some stupid decisions, especially when it comes to the women in his life. He's not proud of how he has treated many of them, both under cover and as himself. Being loyal and putting duty before everything isn't really conducive to forming strong personal relationships.

But he's not going to fall for Kensi Blye, not like that, despite what Bates seems to think he knows. Deeks is also pretty sure he's not even emotionally able to ever fall for someone in that true love happily ever after way, no matter how alluring it might be to give in and believe in it. Even if he and Kensi have figured things out now and even if she's nothing like anyone he's ever come across before… No. It's just stupid. Initial attraction (because come on, no one can deny she's doing really well in the looks and sharp witty comebacks department…). That's all it is. Nothing more.

He's just going to wait it out. It will go away. He doesn't do long term gigs if it's not an undercover op. His aliases may hold up for months on end but the Marty Deeks charade just doesn't. He knows that. It's all bound to come apart eventually.

As he reaches his car, his phone pings with a new incoming text message. Speak of the devil, he thinks as he sees Kensi's name flash across the screen along with a threat of bodily harm if he keeps avoiding the reports for the case they wrapped up last night.

Despite everything, he feels a grin stretch across his face at her comment and can practically see a matching, reluctant one on her face as he ignores her threat and replies with a promise of buying the first round of beer at tonight's team celebration of yet another successful op.

He tosses the phone onto the dashboard, pulls down his shades and maneuvers the car out into the busy LA traffic. So maybe there is something about Kensi that he's not ready to brush off and ignore yet. Something that keeps him on his toes and maybe even a little bit stupidly hopeful. For what exactly, he doesn't really know. Maybe just a place... A spot he's expected to fill. Where he would be missed if absent.

But tonight he will let her dry sense of humor and endless teasing make him laugh. His new team will go out for drinks and he will make inappropriate flirty comments at her, make Sam and Callen shake their heads and mutter under their breaths that he's "so asking for it".

It's just because it's new, he tells himself. The edge, this thrill, whatever it is, will eventually go away. He's certain of it. It always does.

In this case it has to. Because if it doesn't, he's in trouble. Big trouble. Again.

But as he parks outside OSP fifteen minutes later, his mood involuntarily picking up again, he can't help but think that he already is.

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 **And now you review. Thank you so much for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Tag to 3.10 The Debt.

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 **# 2 told you I'd let them go**

Her name is Hannah.

Hannah is a sweet, blonde twenty something born and raised in L.A. She had walked up to him on beach two weeks ago and without much further adieu asked him out for drinks. It was probably her straightforward approach and obvious interest in him, that had made him ignore all the reasons why he should have said no (her being a little bit too young for him being one of them). She was fun. She was interested. Easygoing and uncomplicated enough to meet up with on two more occasions.

So even if he knows exactly what led to this current situation, Deeks is a little surprised to now find himself fishing his keys from his jacket pocket while Hannah leans against him, almost purring in his ear.

He tries to ignore the incessant voices in his head, saying something about this being wrong for so many reasons, that he shouldn't even have called her back the day after they first met.

Finally managing to unlock the door and let them into his apartment, Deeks is once again reminded of how long it's been since he did this. There was a time when this was what his weekends looked like but yeah... That's a long time ago. Monty is perched on his usual cushion in the couch and lifts his head upon hearing the commotion by the door.

"Aww, you have a dog! He's adorable!" Hannah gushes as she spots Monty who's still just eyeing the pair, almost skeptically Deeks thinks. _Yeah yeah, I know, buddy. It's not your usual Friday snuggle this weekend either. But things are a little bit off with her right now._

As if Monty reads his thoughts, the old dog simply eyes them both before jumping down from the couch and trotting out to the kitchen, ignoring Hannah and showing his disapproval in his own doggy way.

"Don't worry. He's a bit of a grumpy old man sometimes," Deeks says lightly, hoping Hannah doesn't realize exactly how much that is a lie. Because he knows that had his usual Friday dinner company stepped through the door tonight, Monty would be on his back getting his belly scratched by now. Fortunately Hannah doesn't seem to be bothered at all and Deeks lets himself be distracted by the feeling of her lithe body beneath his palms.

Just like on the beach when they first met, Hannah shows what she wants and Deeks finds himself almost relieved by not having to take any initiative tonight. He soon finds himself being dragged by his shirt towards the bedroom. As he works the zipper on Hannah's dress, he absently wonders if she'll notice the fact that there are two toothbrushes in the cup on his sink. And if she will spot the tiny pile of bobby pins and hair ties on the shelf above it.

She doesn't though. Even if she does, she doesn't say anything.

But the next morning, Deeks knows she definitely notices the pair of size 7 bright neon pink running shoes haphazardly strewn by the front door. And she most certainly notices the size 2 velour hoodie draped over the armchair in his living room.

But once again she doesn't say anything. She just gives him a knowing almost rueful look before she leaves. He knows Hannah probably thinks he's just another asshole who just cheated on his girlfriend. But he really can't seem to be bothered by it.

Deeks watches her leave through his kitchen window, feeling a little bit guilty that it really doesn't bother him at all that he most likely won't see her again.

The guilt stays with him throughout the rest of the morning. As he walks Monty and gets ready for work, the nagging feeling somehow morphs into a different kind of guilt. Towards someone else. The kind of guilt that makes him hurry through his morning routine to have time to stop for coffee on his way into work. The only kind of guilt that makes that heavy feeling settle in his chest.

He blatantly ignores the fact that he decides to stop by the coffee shop that just happens to be Kensi's favorite. It means taking a detour but he has time today. He made time today...

He makes sure to get her order right, the right amount of cream and sugar, and tops it all of with a six pack of her favorite donuts.

Twenty minutes later Deeks pulls up outside the Mission and by then he's at least admitted to himself what he's trying to accomplish here. It's an apology. And he knows Kensi will spot an apology coffee when she sees one.

He doesn't even have anything to apologize for. He did his apologizing. Sure, two weeks ago when he had been naive enough to go with Hetty's idea to catch the mole within the LAPD, while thinking his partnership with Kensi would come out unscathed on the other side.

But he had apologized. She had said it was fine. But it hasn't been fine at all since the Fisk op. It's not like it's all awkward silences and avoidance tactics so no one around them has any reason for being suspicious. They're still working seamlessly in the field, the workdays are still filled with banter and their constant competing over... well everything.

But their thing has changed. It's different. As if they have to settle on what it once was and what the Clarence Fisk op did to it. Because there is most definitely a thing now. An outspoken thing.

"What did you do this time?" Kensi greets him as she spots the familiar label on the coffee cups and the size of the accompanying bag. Deeks usually only brings two pastries. Donut for her and something less sweet and fried for himself. Today they're all donuts. Six of them. Meaning they're all for her because he rarely brings breakfast for the boys. Not that Sam would eat them anyway.

"Nothing. Just took the longer route to work. Had some time to kill," he says, praying it comes off causal and not at all like the blatant lie it is. She might be teasing him but that doesn't mean she's noticed that something is off. And that no matter how well she's able to play things off; if he told her, she would most definitely not look at him like she does now, eyeing both him and the donuts with a soft smile on her face. He doesn't know what he would say anyway. That he picked up the first beach bunny available in a desperate attempt to distance himself from Kensi and the complications from the Fisk op? Yeah, that would go down well...

So he keeps quiet and Kensi just eyes him for a moment longer before directing her full attention to the pastry bag. He's off the hook for now.

The guilt doesn't leave him alone though.

It's five days later and they've finally fallen back into their old takeout-and-bad-reality-tv-routine, when Hannah texts him. She tells him to let him know that she doesn't really like cheaters, that she feels sorry for his girlfriend but she had a good time and wonders if she can see him again. Deeks reads the text again and feels even stupider than before. The guilt immediately washes over him. Not for how he left things with Hanna but because he's reminded of that less than a week ago he actually brought someone home with him. It _should_ be fine. Because really, Kensi is just his partner. Right?

He glances at said partner, wearing her pink velour hoodie that she always keeps at his place and can practically hear the voices in his head calling him a liar. Kensi isn't just his partner and this is not fine. He's still feeling guilty for bringing Hannah back to his place. And for some reason he feels like he should really tell Kensi, put the cards on the table just for the sake of it, no more lies. Then he gets frustrated because technically, he hasn't done anything wrong. God, they're complicated. At least he is...

"Deeks, you're staring. It's creepy," she deadpans from her corner on the couch, absently running her hand across Monty's head. The dog hasn't left her side since they arrived back to his place.

Deeks quickly turns away, knowing he's been caught, and reads Hannah's text message for a third time. Kensi's attention is back on the television so he dares glancing at her again. She's sipping one of the beers he'd bought when they left OSP looking awfully comfortable and at home on his couch in her sweats. _Like she belongs there._

Deeks quickly deletes the text without answering. Okay, so maybe he and Kensi aren't quite back to normal but they're getting there, because there's simply no other option. There might be some tension and awkwardness left, due to all the unspoken things they almost talked about that will be left unsaid for now.

He's not going to screw up another partnership. And he's definitely not going to do it by dating a woman he's not even interested in.

After all, he's already got plans. He's buying Kensi a beer for the rest of their lives.

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Well. How was that? Hopefully not too out of character. Even if they have had their thing since ECO's first episode, I highly doubt they both automatically became celibate so… Yeah. After all, emotional and physical attraction aren't necessarily the same thing and one can exist without the other. Even if that complicates things. Big time.

Reviews make me write faster, FYI.


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